THE CRASH

All Things Die

I made many of the decisions that I introduced below, and then some, a long time ago- or so it seems. Now is supposed to be the fun part: Watching it start to come together. We went from demo in June to a blank-slate with updated/graded electrical and plumbing in July to paint on the walls in August. Seeing the paint go onto walls and tiles onto floors is supposed to bring a sense of satisfaction, I think.

My husband asked me about this the other day: "Are you excited to see it all come together?"
"It's sort of irrelevant," I said and was somewhat surprised, not by the feeling, but by my choice of the word "irrelevant." And that's how it felt... for the most part, how it feels. It was the process of making the choices that was fun for me; in fact, it's what the whole project was about. Could I trust myself enough to decide? Could I embody some confidence in my vision? Could I allow it to happen at all without going totally to the place of feeling selfish about it?  I think I did a decent job with all of this, but now that it's almost over, I'm anticipating the crash and begining to feel sad about the whole thing.

I don't fully understand this. I do know that there's a part of me that wants to start on another home as soon as possible :(

In Love with the Process